Coping with quarrels

Coping with quarrels

by Vanessa Ng 12 Sep 2018

Every relationship in history has had its fair share of conflicts. Regardless of how much you have in common with your significant other, you are still two separate individuals with your own unique thoughts. You are bound to feel frustrated or argue occasionally when you fail to see eye to eye. That said, learning how to approach an argument without having it destroy your relationship is important. When managed well, this can in fact help you to deepen your relationship.


  • Be patient

We say hurtful words in the heat of the moment; personal attacks can take a toll on any relationship. To avoid that, take a few deep breaths and revisit the discussion when you feel less tense and hot-headed. While you’re cooling off, step into the other party’s shoes and try to think from his or her perspective. Did the fight stem from different expectations, a lack of communication, or something else?


  • Do not fight to win

In most cases, you would want to continue having a peaceful relationship with your other half. Recall the good times and think of the bigger picture. Are you quarrelling to improve the relationship and understand each other better, or are you simply arguing to win? It should not be a me-against-you type of situation, but a side-by-side problem-solving endeavour.


  • Focus on the current behaviour and action

Talking about personality and digging up the past may not result in a fruitful discussion. Clarify what he or she meant by their actions and do not project you own values or beliefs onto it. Instead of being sceptical, try being open to what the other person has to say before sharing your own thoughts. Never judge, but always listen.


  • Resolve the problem at its roots

Your partner may be upset at you using your phone during dinner. However, upon delving deeper, you may find out that the unhappiness can be due to how such actions make him or her feel neglected and unheard. By working alongside each other to identify and express the root problem, you place yourselves on a steady path to solving it. Take action after all the talk and build a habit around it to prevent recurrence.


  • Make up

Cuddle, watch a movie, or have an ice cream together to reward yourselves for having a healthy discussion about what happened. Making up is an important part of conflict resolution and you should make every effort to enjoy each other’s company after the quarrel.


Avoid going to bed angry, and work towards a better relationship every day. It takes hard work from both parties, so do not get complacent. Much like rain, arguments will occur from time to time. Rather than run from it, embrace it and take action accordingly!